oh hatiku~~

minta maaf kepada sesapa yg ada terasa hati dengan saya....i cannot pretend to be someone i'm not :(

that's what i can really say tonight....taktaula kenapa hati ni..rasa nak marah pun ada, geram pun ada, bersalah pun ada...ntahla....

hanya Allah yang mengerti sebenarnya perasaan kita ni sebenar benarnya...org semua boleh kata itu ini terhadap kita, sedangkan kita ni takde pun niat nak menyakitkan,...if we are to be like who we are, how can we pretend to be someone else...huhu i am just the type of person who really enjoys my privacy and almost all the time, i'd like to be alone. i just don't know why, but that is simply me. Maybe how i've grown up has made me become the person i am.......

i do enjoy some company at times, when i choose to..and i'm glad that my best friend really understands that...when we really have some good free time, we'll meet up and have a chat..other than that, both us wouldn't mind the solitude and the not-contacting-each other for weeks, or even months?

i really get upset sometimes when people don't understand me, but then who am i to demand all that?

i did, at one time enjoy long conversations on the phone...but now, maybe i'm old enough to actually fill my time doing some reading...i mean SO MUCH reading that must be done and i don't even find myself to have the time to read everything...but when it comes to ppl bothering me and wanting my attention, and not really understanding the meaning of "sorry, i just don't wanna talk", i really get mad, not meaning that i blow up or anything...i just get this mixed feeling between guilt and grrr thing...guilty because i don't really have time to give all my attention to other people, and grrrrr because of the question in my mind that can't these people just understand my own needs............sometimes i feel that way too, in the midst of being alone and having no one to talk to...but i know i have someOne listening to me, waiting for my call each and every second of the day--and answers calls even at 3 in the morning.

Yes, Allah is the only one.

Again, i'm really sorry for not being able to become the person some people really want me to be...but take this advice, talk to HIM, coz He's listening all the time...and most of all, He reallly wants us to talk to HIM......coz afterall, even if u tell a person every single thing that's in ur heart, no one would just understand wht you go thru...it's HIM who knows..ALL Of it.